Welcome to I Am A Child of Divorce

Square Logo - 300 x 300 - White BackgroundWelcome to our new little corner of the internet.  Before we jump right in, it seemed appropriate to take a minute to introduce ourselves and this site.

Why did you start I Am A Child of Divorce?

I Am A Child of Divorce was born out of a desire to help children deal with the issue and circumstances raised by the divorce of their parents.  At a local level, this help can take many forms:

Unfortunately, in our experience in dealing with these children of divorce, many of them have no one in their lives to help them to navigate the stormy waters of their parents’ divorce.  That is where I Am A Child of Divorce comes in.  Our goal is to build a community of children of divorce and people who care about them to help kids who do not have access to a program or caring adults or who just need additional information or someone to talk to.

What’s up with the name?

One thing that we’ve heard over and over in talking to children of divorce, particularly grown children of divorce, is that they do not want to be defined by the choices of their parents.  So, why then would we choose a name like “I Am A Child of Divorce” for this website?  Aren’t we doing exactly what we’ve been told – defining kids by the divorce of their parents?  We don’t think so. “I Am A Child of Divorce” is a proclamation – not of identity but of hope.

It is a way of saying, yes I Am A Child of Divorce, and yes that has shaped my life in ways that most people can not even begin to understand.  But, I will not be defined by a decision made by my parents. By proclaiming the “I Am A Child of Divorce,” I am acknowledging the truth of that statement and the impact it has had on my life while at the same time proclaiming that who I am is so much more than that.

What is the mission of I Am A Child of Divorce?

Our mission at I Am A Child of Divorce is anchored by three “H” words – Help, Hope and Heal.  It reads:

To help children of divorce to deal with the effects and consequences of their parents’ divorce by providing hope and healing through a community of committed individuals and other valuable resources.

Who should use this website?

Anyone who desires information of the how to help children adjust to the divorce of their parents is welcome on this site.

First and foremost, this site is for children of divorce.  That includes children of any age, teenagers and adult children of divorce.  We also include in our definition of children of divorce any children from single parent homes whether their parents were ever officially married or not.  Ultimately, our goal is to help you, and you are the reason we exist.

Additionally, in order to build the type of community we are seeking, we need people with a heart for children and people experienced at helping children deal with the issues of divorce.

Parents are also welcome on this site and in the forums. We applaud your efforts to make this difficult time for your child as easy as possible, and we believe this site may provide you with valuable insight into what your child is going through.  However, please keep in mind that this is a child-centered resource, and we moderate the forums and Facebook page as such.  So, discussions about how to help children adjust to a blended family and how to co-parent effectively are welcome.  Bashing your ex or discussing adult issues like how to get more child support are outside the scope of this project.

Who is behind I Am A Child of Divorce?

This site was create by Wayne Stocks.  Wayne is not a child of divorce, but he has worked with kids for years and has dedicated his life to helping current and future children of divorce.  You can find out more about Wayne at his personal blog (Dad in the Middle) and his blog dedicated to equipping others to help children of divorce (Divorce Ministry 4 Kids).  You can reach Wayne by e-mail at wayne@iamachildofdivorce.com.

What are your plans for the site?

We have big plans for this site primarily focused on two main elements.

  1. We want to build dynamic forums which will bring together children of divorce with others who have had similar experience and with adults who can speak into the lives of those children and listen to their struggles.  Our Facebook page is an extension of that effort.
  2. We want to provide valuable resources which will help children, teens and adults deal with the fall out from the their parents’ divorce.

Our forums are currently up and running, and we invite you to begin using those immediately and spreading the word to others who might find them useful.  We will slowly and consistently begin adding content almost immediately.  You will be able to find these posts on our blog page and also on pages individually tailored for Kids, Teens and Adults. Finally, we recognize that our resources are not the only ones out there, so we plan on developing a Resources page to highlight other resources which may be useful to our users and a Store where you can access a variety of books related to the issue of divorce.

What can I do to help?

The most important thing you can do is to engage with others.  Engage in the forums and on our Facebook page.  Let your voice be heard.  Answer questions.  Ask for advice.  Become a part of this loving community.

Second, you can help us to get the word out.  Spread the news of the website and Facebook page to your circle of influence.  Let the children of divorce in your life know that we are here to help them.

Finally, if you have any experience in helping children of divorce and would like to help us create content, please send me an e-mail at wayne@iamachildofdivorce.com and we’ll talk.

4 responses to Welcome to I Am A Child of Divorce

  1. GG – grandmother of 2 children of divorce April 10, 2015 at 10:17 pm

    I was just wondering “where is home” to a child that has two homes and separate environments split in their lives? There is more time at mom’s house because she is a teacher. The boys are very attached to dad and don’t totally care for the step dad at the same level. They are young enough that I don’t want to ask them something that they likely don’t even think about. There is mom’s house and there is dad’s house….I understand that but where is home? Interesting question. Home to me was not perfect but it was security. Would welcome your comments.

    • GG,

      This is a battle children of divorce face their entire lives – “What is Home?” Oftentimes they feel like neither place is totally home because they are not there 100% of the time. When they are with Mom they are, by definition, missing what is going on at Dad’s and vice versa. They’re left feeling like a wanderer that moves back and forth between two homes never fully belonging to other. The best thing you can do for them is to provide a loving and supportive environment. Let them know you’re available to talk without pushing the issue. Your house may be a welcome belief because at least when they’re there they don’t have to feel like they’re picking one parent over the other. Please let me know if there is anything I can help with.

  2. My parents have been divorced for seven years now and my dad moved out,not far but his house feels nothing like a home still after all this time its not a home to me. Sometimes i still find it impossible to cope with and i just brake down at 17 years old i just want my old life back

    • Leah,

      I am so sorry to hear about your situation. This is why I get upset when people tell me, “Kids get over it.” They really don’t. Even after seven years, it still hurts. Unfortunately, chances are that your life will never look like it used to, but it can get better. New might not be what you want, but it’s important to deal with all those feelings and try to move forward with creating a new life. It isn’t easy, but it is essential to moving forward. You might think about joining a group of other teens whose parents are divorced, or if there isn’t one in your area, you might want to consider our online group which is relaunching in August. Let me know if you want information on that or if there is anything else I can do to help you.

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