Link

Click here to download the board game. (http://www.chatfirst.com.au/pdf/boardgame.pdf)

Unfortunately, this game is no longer available from the original source. We are leaving this page up in hopes that it will be available again at some point in the future.

Background

CHaT First is a website from the Children and Families in Transition Project a partnership between the Centre for Peace, Conflict and Mediation, Hawke research Institute, University of South Australia and Centacare Catholic Family Services (SA), with generous support from the Telstra Foundation.  It is full of information for children and teens whose parents have separated or divorced. One of the best resources is a printable board game called the CHaT First Board game.

How It Works

The CHaT First Board Game is a question and answer board game that encourages kids and teens to answer questions from one of four decks of cards. Players take turns rolling the dice and moving along the board. This game is not about winners and losers but about the experience shared together.

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Emotion wheels can be great tools for helping you to figure out what your feeling, introduce you to new emotions and help you to figure out what emotions might be underlying why you’re feeling.

This first wheel was created by Dr. Gloria Wilcox who is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in St Petersburg, Florida. It is a great tool for identifying emotions you might be feeling following the dissolution of your parents’ relationship. Emotions are grouped into six broad categories including Sad, Mad, Scared, Peaceful, Joyful and Powerful.

This second wheel is not quite as colorful but includes even more emotion words to broaden your emotion vocabulary. We found it originally on http://makalaonlife.tumblr.com.

Teen Between is a resource out of Ireland designed to help teens from divorcing families and to help parents and schools to help teens through the divorce process.  Teen Between offers in person counseling services all around the country of Ireland.  They also have an amazing website for teens dealing with the separation or divorce of their parents.

In the teen section, you will find articles and advice on how to deal with:

• Finding Out
• Being Stuck in the Middle
• Coping With Change
• Accepting the Decision
• Moving On

Many of the sections include specific tips and links to stories from other teens who have been through the divorce of their parents.  The teen section also includes a quiz which will give you insights into how you communicate when you are angry.

In addition to great information for teens, the site offers information and advice for parents on: Continue reading

From MU Extension at the University of Missouri-Columbia, this resource specifically addresses how divorce impacts infants and toddlers.  Too many people believe that divorce does not impact these kids because they are young.  This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Beginning with younger infants (birth to 8 months), this article explains that, “Infants do not understand divorce  However, infants pick up on changes in their parents’ feelings and behaviors.”

The article also explains the reactions of older infants (8 to 18 months) and toddlers (18 months to 3 years) and includes special sections to address:

• Parent-child attachment relationships and divorce
• Encouraging infants and toddlers to express emotions
• Reducing the stress of divorce for infants and toddlers

LINK TO RESOURCE:

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From MU Extension at the University of Missouri-Columbia, the purpose of this resource is to provide parents and other adults with guidance on how to help children understand their parents’ divorce.  It includes information on how to tell children about divorce and how to talk with children about divorce.  From the child’s perspective, this resource includes a list of six things that kids need from mom and dad in the face of a divorce.  It also includes suggestion on specific books you can use to help kids understand divorce along with a brief description of each book.

All of those are great resources, but the most useful tool included in this publication is a two page pamphlet that lays out information about divorce for each age/stage of development for a child (infants, toddlers, preschool and early elementary and preteens and adolescents).  For each stage, the pamphlet includes information on what the child understands at that age, children’s thoughts and feelings and what parents can do for children at each age.

LINK TO RESOURCE:

http://extension.missouri.edu/p/GH6600

LINK TO PDF FILE:

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Many parents lose sight of their children’s needs during a divorce.  That is why we were excited to find this pamphlet from child centered solutions is designed to help parents to keep their children’s needs first when going through a divorce.  The pamphlet addresses the following topics:

• Stewardship vs. Ownership Parenting
• How do you prepare children for divorce?
• How do you help children cope with family change?
• What are some positive parenting strategies?
• What questions should parents ask before developing a parenting plan?
• What is a workable parenting plan?
• What are some strategies for handling conflict?
• What should you communicate to your children’s school?
• What is a custody or parenting evaluation?
• Where can additional resources be found?

In section includes bulleted lists of useful advice and suggestions for parents to follow to help ensure that they are putting their kids first during the divorce.

LINK TO RESOURCE:

http://www.childcenteredsolutions.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/PuttingChildrenFirst.pdf

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From MU Extension at the University of Missouri-Columbia, this resources suggests a multitude of activities that parents can do with their children to “help them work through their feelings, concerns and frustrations regarding the divorce.”  Though specifically designed for parents, these activities can generally be done by any caring adult with a child of divorce.

Specific details and ideas are included for each of the types of activities which include:

• Drawing Pictures
• Conversation Starters
• Communicating from a Difference
• Reading and Writing Stories
• Playing Together
• Making a Personal History Time Line
• Exercising
• Making a Time Capsule

LINK TO RESOURCE:

http://extension.missouri.edu/p/GH6602

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Divorce is stressful.  It is stressful for parents, and it is stressful for kids.  One of the best things you can do to reduce stress and other intense emotions (like anger) is to learn some simple activities and breathing techniques.  The website consciousdiscipline.com offers this great resource which includes four simple techniques to help you deal with your high levels of stress and calm down.  Although the “reminder” graphics were developed for kids, these exercises work great for people of any age!

LINK TO RESOURCE PAGE:

http://consciousdiscipline.com/resources/safe_place_breathing_icons.asp

LINK TO PDF FILE:

http://consciousdiscipline.com/downloads/resources/Safe_Place_Breathing_Icons.pdf

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We are please to officially announce the beginning of I Am A Child of Divorce support groups.  These groups are intended children of divorce find hope and healing in the aftermath of their parents’ separation or divorce.

Groups are free to participate in and will be conducted entirely online and consist of a weekly introduction to the week’s theme, a video (or videos) to watch, prep work to be done online in preparation for the online chat, a one hour weekly online chat (text not voice) conducted in a private chat room available only to group members, and a recap activity to drive home each week’s theme.

Our first group, a pilot program for teens, will launch the last week of April with the first weekly live chat to be held Thursday, May 2 from 9:00 – 10:00 PM EST, and registration will remain open through April 30th.  Registration will be limited and done on a first come first serve basis.  Additional programs will be offered in the future.

If you are a teen whose parents who have divorce, no matter what stage of healing you are at, please register for our group today.  If you know of teens who could benefit from this program, please forward this information to them.

To find out more information about our groups, click on one of the following links:

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This article from First Wives World is directed towards moms with advice on how to help their children work through their issues related to the divorce.  I appreciate this article because is does not take the “your kids will happy” route that so many article aimed at parents seem to take.  Instead, it presents a realistic look at what divorce might be like for your kids.  Indeed the opening paragraph contains a stark reminder for parents:

Remember, it is not your job to make your children feel cheerful about the divorce, or to convince them that the divorce was a wise decision. Just listening to your child’s complaints means a great deal.

The article provides a cursory look at three common ways kids are hurt in the divorce process:

1. Loss of the everyday.
2. Loss of parents as they used to be.
3. Loss of material things

Part two of this important series offers mom’s some insights into signs that their kids are hurting from the divorce including things like selfishness, lack of ambition and anger.

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