What Can I Do If I Don’t Like My Stepparent?
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none of these is the reason why I don’t like my stepparent.
Brianna,
Are you saying that you like your stepparent (which would be great) or there is some other reason that you don’t like them?
there is a certain reason why don’t and excuse me but I don’t like sharing it in public
Brianna,
You don’t have to share it in public, and there are legitimate reasons to dislike or not trust someone. You don’t need to share it here, but I do encourage you to find someone you can talk to about it. If you don’t have anyone, use the “Ask Us” feature here on the site to speak to someone anonymously.
My Stepmother and I never use to get along, but we do now. There were a lot of silence, screaming, arguing, but I feel that it was needed. She doesn’t have her own kids so now we live in peace as mother and daughter!.
Martea,
Thanks for sharing your story! It is not always an easy road to walk down – forming a new relationship. That is especially true when that relationship is with someone new in our parent’s life who is more or less “forced” upon us. It’s great to hear from you that despite the struggles and the fighting, you both came out on the other side with a great relationship!
Kill your self or run a way i have trouble with my step dad
Sumer,
My heart breaks for you that you feel like these are the only two options you have. If you are seriously considering killing yourself, please call 1-800-273-TALK to speak to someone. It might not seem like it now, but there is always hope and things will get better. Call that number and talk to someone who can help you. Also, running away does not solve problems – it only leaves you exposed to all kinds of dangerous environments. It’s hard work trying to make things better, and it stinks that you find yourself in that situation, but it is work worth doing. If you are old enough (13-19) I would encourage you to join our online support group for teens that is starting back up in August. Please let me know if you are interested in some information on that program or if there is anything else I can do to help you.
I don’t understand this. My Stepmother is a very, and I mean VERY opinionated person. I don’t live in the house anymore and my wife and I just had a baby, so they (my father and stepmother) were in town visiting to see the baby. Let’s just say I can only handle small doses of my stepmother. I try so so hard to keep my thoughts go myself and remain civil. She just goes on telling my wife and I how to raise my child and what not. My wife is somewhat offended by her. My wife also doesn’t care for my stepmother. When I mention anything to my dad about how I feel, he feels like I’m attacking her/him by default. I am not allowed to have my opinion around him about her. All he says is, ” Your step mother would do anything in this world for you.” Which I’m sure is true, its still very hard to give her the chance because it always seems likes she’s making subtle jabs at me and trying to force me to like things or agree with her, very opinionated self. She has been married to my dad for 7 years and I have been out of the house for 5 of them. Time has gone by and I still feel the same towards her but I always remain civil and respectful. My younger sister will never stop by his house because she doesn’t like my stepmother at all! So am I wrong? Or is my sister wrong?
Michael,
Everyone is different, so I don’t know if it’s a matter of whether your or your sister is right so much as it is how can you best deal with your situation. I think you are taking the right path in being civil. There is very little to be gained by lack of civility and very much to lose. I imagine the part that hurts the most is that you’d like to spend more time with your dad (and have your child do the same), but you can’t do that because of having to deal with your step-mother. Unfortunately, that may be something you have to come to terms with. Also, I would encourage you to take things with a grain of salt rather than personally, In the end, commit to raising your child the best you know how and then it doesn’t matter what your step-mother thinks. Let her comments roll off your chest – there’s nothing that says you have to take any of her “suggestions.” Hope this helps.
Take care of yourself,
Wayne
Founder of IAmaChildofDivorce.com
The problem I am having with my father’s current wife is that she married a man (my father) who was naive enough to buy into her lies and empty promises. She manipulated him for everything that he had. (My father was the only one out of a bunch of losers that she dated immediately after her divorce who actually held a job and didn’t see through her BS after three dates.) And of course, she put on her big smiley face and tried to be “buddy-buddy” with everyone at first so we, in theory, would not suspect anything was wrong. When my sister (and especially me, since I was a minor at the time this was happening) tried to point this out and warn him not to marry her, I became the object of her contempt and the “blended family” (ugh) pariah. I can’t say she isn’t evil or doesn’t care about me at all, but I can say I have never met such a selfish, immature, ditzy woman as my father’s current wife, who will always be known as such to my. She is NOT my “stepmom!”
P.S.: It does not bring me joy to write this, and it is not my goal to defame her. My point in writing all of this is to show that there are legitimate and serious problematic people in this world who will see a divorced man or woman as nothing but a puppet for him/her to manipulate as s/he pleases. And as was in my case, the children have little to no recourse or support! Parents, teachers and counselors, PLEASE PLEASE heed this warning!
i have the same kind of family and i am still a minor. they keep fighting with me and she controls my dad just like a video game and he doesn’t get that. now my dad hates me and doesn’t care about me … all because of her.i have wanted to kill myself so many times but everytime the one thought that stops me from doing that is that one day i will find happiness with someone and all my pains from five years will mean nothing when i meet that person.
I do not like my step father because he is always tearing down my biological father and is always trying to make me stop seeing him. My step father gets mad when i do something wrong and has become the parent who always punishes us…not my mom. I live in a house with 3 out of my 5 siblings and in my home, only my sister is from the same father. The other 2 siblings are his. My step parent adopted one and the other was his. I don’t know what to do. I have talked to him and so has my mom, but a couple of weeks later the same stuff starts back up again. He says that I am always being disrespectful when I always try not to be. What should I do now???
Jennifer,
I am sorry to hear this. How does your step father tear down your biological father? I know it must be hard to hear and chances are that your step father doesn’t really realize that when he does that he is hurting you too. Do you get to see your biological father? What does your mom have to say about the whole situation? Have you asked him (sometime when things are going well) what it is that he finds disrespectful?
It really is heartbreaking how much fracturing takes place when divorce comes into the picture. Counseling and talk therapy are important, but I am still surprised how so many of the same issues never really go away, and at times feel almost as painful as they did when they initially came up. My mother married my second stepfather 24 years ago (I’m 34 now), and in all honesty, I’ve never liked him. What I see when I look at him is a very scared, passive man that avoids conflict. I’m not talking about arguing for no reason. I mean having the courage to tackle the mess together, instead of pretending that it isn’t there. Tension fills the rooms he’s in. There’s a myriad of emotions and opinions that are locked up tight in his chest, about to pop. To many others he’s the nice guy. I just see masked, unaddressed fear. I don’t respect him.
I feel like I have lost my freedom and individualism, I dont see this place as a home. I dont care for my step mother and her tedious rules. I even have to change my diet for her to keep the place gluten free and kosher. Iiving with a single parent before with long works hours gave my siblings and I the house to ourselves. Where we could enjoy our own space and do what we liked to do to feel at ease. Now I feel so self conscious with whatever im doing. I cant unwind anymore. living with someone who is home everyday who I have to answer to. I dont do my usual thing anymore. I stay in my room most of the time. I feel like im on a leash and treated like someone who cant function living with others. Im just a private person. And I miss quality time with my sisters. I dont want to do things with my step mom or get to know such a nit picky angry person with no flexibility on matters. She’s too head strong and opinionated. My life used to be simple and easy going.
There’s no doubt that it’s hard to adjust to new situations, especially when you finally got used to the way things were. Have you talked to your Dad about how you’re feeling and what you’re going through?
Yes. And I think the situation is picking up.
What you mean by “the situation is picking up”?
Things are better
That’s great! I’m glad to hear it. Please let us know if we can ever help you in any way!
i dont like my stepmom. she makes my dad hate me and she hates me.. i’ve started hating my dad after al of this because he doesn’t care about me at all now. all they do id love each other and criticize me. sometime i don’t want to live.they just hurt me so much emotionally!! i did not chose for my mom to leave but i am being punished from five years and it’s too hard to take it in.
Hey,
My dad married a women who was already a divorce too. And ever since she came to our home she been fighting with my dad for something or the the other by taking my name. I left the house and got married but now she wont even allow me to visit my father nd younger brother. Even when i talk to my father on phone she starts a fight that he should nit be talking to me.. My father and my brother are my only family and i dont want to leave them. What can i do
Sahil, I am sorry to hear about this. Have you talked to your father or brother about what is going on? What do they say?
They can see everything.. Its just that the dont wana disrupt their regular life..
Hi, my mom married this man who has 5 kids this past summer and his children are very mean to me all the time and do things just to get me in trouble and to get on my nerves when I don’t even do anything to get in trouble and we don’t live in a very good place or in a good school system and so now ever since we moved in here( about a year ago) my dad has been working so hard to get my brother and I to live with him but I really don’t want to hurt my moms feelings because I know she loves me to but I don’t fit in here and we moved 45 minutes away from all of my family and everywhere that I know and now I don’t really know what to do in this situation. I really want to move in with my father because I feel like it would be a good move for me but I don’t wan to hurt my mom. So I guess I’m just asking what to do in this situation!!???
Kamren,
I’m sorry that you find yourself in this situation. It doesn’t sound like the situation in now is very good for you in terms of your emotions, relationships, schooling, etc. Given that, perhaps you’re right about moving in with your Dad. Have you talked to your mom about it? Perhaps try explaining to her that you love her very much but that you need to make this move for all the reasons you laid out in your comment. Let me know how it goes.