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How Do I Forgive My Parents For What They Have Done?
In an earlier article, we looked at why it is so important to forgive people who have hurt us:
Should I Forgive My Parents for What They Have Done?
In this article, we will look at some specific things to keep in mind and steps you can take to forgive even when it’s hard.
How Do I Forgive?
- Remember that forgiveness is not an event, it is a process. It may be easier to think of forgiveness as being made up of two steps. The first step is making the decision to forgive. The second step is working towards getting out thoughts and emotions to match up with that decision. The decision to forgive can be made in an instant, but many times it takes a lot longer to complete the second step.
- Forgiveness isn’t always easy. So, don’t assume that just because you’ve decided to forgive that the hard part is out of the way. Sometimes, the process of reconciling your emotions and thoughts to that decision is even harder than the decision itself.
- Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. If someone has harmed you, particularly if that harm involved some sort of neglect or abuse, forgiveness does not mean that you forget what the person did or put yourself in the position to be hurt that way again.
- Empathy can be an important step in the forgiveness process. Empathy is trying to put yourself into the shoes of the person who has hurt you. Why might they have done what they did? Why were they probably feeling at the time? Did they intend to hurt you? Trying to understand the situations from the other person’s point of view can be a valuable step in forgiving.
- Understand your emotions. How did the actions in question make you feel? Why did they make you feel that way? Naming those emotions and recognizing them in yourself is an important step towards releasing those emotions and ultimately towards the ability to forgive.
- If it is possible, safe and appropriate, tell the person that you are forgiving how their actions made you feel and that you are forgiving them. It is not important whether they choose to accept your forgiveness or even admit that they did anything wrong. If it isn’t possible to do this in person, write it in a letter.
I am a child of divorced parents. I commented on your blog more than a week ago, took the time to look up my username and password, and then you never posted my comment. At least I don’t see it anywhere. Where did it go?
I think if you go to Should I Forgive My Parents for What They Have Done? you’ll see your comment there. Thanks for using the site, and let me know if you have any more problems!
I am a child of divorced parents and one of thing that I think that the parents forget when they get divorced is how it is going to affect there child.before my parents split I was very close with me dad every picture I was always next to him. When he left I think that I honestly had a rough time because I was very close with my dad and not seeing him daily is really a stuggle. I hated when other people would say that oh I hate my dad or I wish my I had a different mom that gets me mad because I can’t see my dad every day like they can. Not having a dad to help around also limits us on what we can do like i can’t go on any school trips unless I pay for it. It’s hard so if your a parent that is reading this and is thinking of divorcing all I’m saying is if you want your child growing up as if they can’t trust no one or thinking that you separated because the other parent dosent like them then go right ahead but as a child of divorced parents I wish my parents could have thought about my life and my future