What Do I Do When I’m So Angry I Could Scream?
Breathing, physical activity and talking about it are great ways to help deal with anger or stress. That said, sometimes when anger or stress builds up inside, you just want to scream. Handled correctly, this can be a therapeutic way to vent some of that frustration (though we would still encourage you to find someone you trust afterwards to talk to about it). Screaming however is not always socially acceptable. Maybe you’re in a public place where screaming would cause alarm or perhaps your parent just doesn’t get it or takes it personally when you you let anger out by screaming. What should you do then? That’s where the Scream Box comes in handy.
You can find instructions for how to make a Scream Box and how to use it at Hope 4 Hurting Kids.
Great topic to address. Angry outbursts can be a form of protest, and protest is entirely natural and valid in the face of injustice and oppression, and that of course is exactly what divorce is, from the kid’s perspective: unjust and oppressive. The problem is, expressing anger in an uncontrolled manner can make things worse, not better, and compound any harm that has already been done in other ways.
So what to do? Answer: Count to 10 (or 100), take several deep breaths, and harness the anger energy for constructive, peaceful purposes. I learned to do this by reading a great book called Make Anger Your Ally by Neil Warren, a retired professor of psychology who also happens to be the founder of eHarmony.com (the dating website). My mother gave me this book back in the 1980s and I have used it several times since then to develop my constructive anger management skills. I highly recommend it to my fellow children of divorced parents. It’s written for adults, but I can imagine a 16-year-old might be able to benefit from it. I particularly like the entire third section, which the author calls a “training manual.” If you’ve ever gone out for a sport, you know the importance of practice. And if you’ve acted in a show at school, or sung in a choir, or played an instrument in a band or orchestra, you know the importance of rehearsal before the big meet, race, or performance. Warren tells you how to rehearse IN ADVANCE of your next anger meltdown, and gives proven tips for getting the powerful locomotive of your anger under your control and headed in a healthy direction. This book has helped me to make changes in my own behavior that I’m proud of, particularly those that have helped my fellow children of divorced parents across the United States and around the world.
Best wishes in your anger-taming endeavors!
Don H.
Downingtown PA